Booty Cheques

Let me introduce you, to..

THE BOOTY CHEQUE

Ok, so let my paint this out for you.
You are flirting with a girl, and everything is going great, she likes you, and thinks to herself.
Mmmm, mmmm, I could have me some of this!
So you think you are doing great, and you go for it, you think you are about to score, and so does she.
Then comes the interuption.
Could be anything, from blue balls, to your back cramping up, to no condom, to her little mole of a friend, or the fact she is starring in a new hit TV series called 24 and has to dramatically escape to diffuse a Hydrogen-bomb somewhere.
And here it comes, you both look each other in the eyes, for a couple of seconds, of "oh no". Here it comes.

Instead of deciding to pay you in booty cash.
She decides to pay you in the form of a "Booty Cheque", that reads "good for one crazy sex.. later".
And its no big deal cuz, she is happy cuz she thinks you are gonna cash the cheque, you are happy cuz you are like AWESOME! I get to ram shit in that!
But what happens?

The cheque bounces!

And you think.. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
And that is the "BOOTY CHEQUE".

You get a girl attracted, you do all the work to make her horny, and you THINK you are gonna score, I mean how couldn't you I mean, did you see this girl SHE'S ALL OVER YOU!
She's practically drueling on the floor salivating at the idea of riding you till the early morning.
But no.. Not yet.. Instead of booty cash, you get..The Booty Cheque!
Cuz there are logistical problems and one of you has to go. Its like a little IOU "one blow job and some sex on the side".
You are left smiling going OH YEAH! And she is smiling going oh yeah!

But then the moment comes.

Panic sets in..

Oh no!OH NO!!! (you start frantically looking around, head turning sharply from side to side)

And you realise

Its just a piece of paper!

And she realises, NO, I only gave him a piece of paper!

So you both rush to the bank, and ofcourse..
It bounces.. Ofcourse it would, you knew it would, and it does. You are just left standing their thinking "I knew it would bounce" shaking your head.
And there is always something weird about trying to get your money out from a bank with that cheque. Its like a note from your mother. My mumma said, you need to pay up, cuz she squiggled here on this piece of paper. Is it any good? My mum said it was good. GIMME MY BOOTY CASH!
But, its too late, its gone.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
This is a phenomenon happening all over the world, to people of all types, girls, boys, pretty people, ugly people.Though ugly trailer park people have an advantage, cuz they can't write and have no teeth, so are less inclined to write a booty check. They just flip open the skirt in full public display and whip out their bucket of dingy dirty old coins.Guys write them to girls, girls write them to guys.
But they almost ALWAYS, bounce.
A girl will come up to a guy, all sexy like, biting her lip, clumsily falling on him "whoops, silly me, did I just graze your dick, whoops".
And she is like YES! He's attracted!
And the dude is like YES, she's attractive!
So what does he do (oh shit, I feel bad right now.. I know!)

THE BOOTY CHEQUE!

The girl gets this booty check, and is like okay!

But WAIT!

She turns back.. Its already too late!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

This happens to every single person.. All the time.

Your hotness, and attractiveness, doesn't ACTUALLY buy you BOOTY CASH..Oh no..It gets you "booty cheques".
You THINK you are SOOOOOOOOO gonna get laid, she thinks she is SOOOOOOOO gonna get laid.
I mean attraction is there right?Attraction gets you the booty cash right?
WRONG!
Attraction gets you the BOOTY CHEQUE!
And the booty cheque then bounces.
So we have all these hot people walking around thinking "what the fuck just happened?".
Confused out of their fucking minds.
Quivering lips, "I WANT MY BOOTY CASH!!! NOOOOOO!!!".
And confused they just wander on.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Okay, now you know what the booty cheque is..
I will explain that there is actually a FRAME, of the booty cheque. Effectively people THINK booty cheques, are as good as booty cash. They think they are a pimp, till they realise its just a stupid piece of paper.
Both girls and guys, make this mistake. You need to learn, not to accept booty cheques.

You and Her: Oh yeah lets get it on
Her: Is booty cheque ok?
You: Your rediculous cheques are no good here! Booty cash ONLY!
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Every person gets this fucked up booty cheque thing. No matter how hot they are. No matter how TIGHT there game is. How sexy they are.
I had to learn this the hard way.. Endless ALMOST lays, and "good for one lay.. later", and "FUCK SHE LIKES ME SO HARD!". To result with barely a few scraps in booty change.
LEARN TO GET BOOTY CASH! Stop accepting booty cheques.
Your crazy squiggles are no good here!

THERE ARE NO PROMISES AND NO GARUNTEES WHEN IT COMES TO MEN AND WOMEN.. EVER!